Somehow I have managed to construct a life — not a bad life, I am not complaining — where I am almost completely invisible and irrelevant to the other 8 billion people on this planet. And I am not some 20-something. No, I’ve played the long game, keeping this going for over 50 years.
This is no mean feat, in the age of social media, social networking, social everything! And yet, as I wake up this morning, I know that I am pretty much the only one who notices that I have woken or, or will notice that I have woken up. And I mean that in the ‘get out of bed’ sense, not the ‘man, he is so woke’ sense.
Point 1 — No Children
For years I was baffled as to why people had children. They seemed to be an emotional and financial drain of epic proportions. There are even friends who talk about how they ‘at least have someone to look after them in their old age’. Invariably the people who say that didn’t look after their own parents in their old age, but somehow, miraculously, their kids will do that for them. Look around. It doesn’t happen often. And it doesn’t happen without resentment.
So my choice was to not have any. I did get married at an early enough age. But we chose not to procreate. I wanted to live a more interesting life of travel and independence (read: selfishness!) and I knew kids would have to come first.
That marriage ended (don’t worry, I have another one — also without children), and now I am too old.
Goal Achieved: No one to always be checking up on me as I age!
Bonus Point: Come From A Small Family
My mother was an only child. My parents emigrated before my brother and I were born, so we grew up with no family around us. We never really knew our grandparents well, or any cousins, etc. My brother also has no children. As I am the younger of us, I will assume I will live the longest. That means when I go, the family tree ends. Slipping away into oblivion!
Point 2 — No Close Social Ties
As I mentioned, I had no kids partly as a choice to live a more interesting life of travel and independence. This I have done! Born and raised in Canada, I have resided in the United States (2 years), Belgium (3 years), Holland (2 years), Switzerland (1 year), Germany (2 years), Spain (10 years) and Japan (6 years).
Sounds great. It was/is great! What’s especially wonderful is that when you move around a lot — especially as an adult — you are not welcomed into the community in any meaningful way. Not without a lot of effort. When kids move around with their parents they have the built-in social-network building facility that is the school. There is no such thing for adults. You have work, but, by the time you reach your 30s most people have a pretty developed life of their own and no time or inclination to help you integrate. Not all of them, of course. Some people do make the effort to prevent your being invisible.
If you look at my list of countries you might notice that most of them do not have English as a first language and in some of them, English is not spoken much at all (I’m looking at you, Japan!). The helps in keeping you out of social circles, as you can’t communicate on a native level. No jokes, political discussions or sarcasm for you!
Goal Achieved: No life-long friends to go and hang out with!
Bonus Point: No Visitors
I’ve lived long-term in 8 countries over 25 years. In all that time I would say that I have had visitors for perhaps a combined total of 6 months. And I am being generous there. You know those friends you still have from high school that seem ‘adventurous’ and always dreamed of travel? Well, they don’t travel. They might ‘vacation’. Vacationing means going to a beach all-inclusive resort. After all, they need a place that is kid-friendly. So they couldn’t possibly come and impose on you. And then after the kids have grown? By then you’ve grown apart and lost contact. Or you happen to live in a place that they have no interest in.
I have a second house here in Japan. It’s a little, old house in the fabulous city of Kyoto. It is empty. It is fully kitted out with bedding for 4, electricity, water, gas. It’s less than 10 minutes walk from 2 main train stations. I offer it up free to any friends who want it. Takers so far in 6 years: 1.
Goal Achieved: Friends so disinterested you literally can’t give away free vacation accomodation!
Point 3 — Solopreneur It!
For the majority of the past decade or so I have run my own businesses. Some have been great successes, some great failures.
These companies I often run by myself or with a few virtual staff spread across the globe. Virtual Assistants, as they are often called, are great — you never have to see them. You don’t have to have coffee with them or hear about their troubles. And they don’t have to see or hear you either!
So every morning I wake up, walk the dog, go downstairs to my office, fire up the computer…all without having to deal with a single living human being.
I am an expert in automation. If I see a place in the business where a lot of human effort is required I will normally code an automated process to make sure no humans are needed. My current business is about 80% automated, meaning all that’s left for the Virtual Assistants to do is answer customer support (even that we are starting to automate).
Do it right and you don’t need anyone.
Goal Achieved: No coworker gossip or after-work drinks!
Invisibility
I have a small social media footprint — and not for not trying. I have 2 youtube channels. Few subscribers, even fewer listeners. No twitter followers.
I wrote a book no one read. I’ve recorded and released music no one has listened to.
I do not matter.
This is what drives others to mass-murder, or suicide or other violent acts. I am not a violent person. On that day when I don’t wake up, the memory of me will blow away and it will be like I never existed.
It’s kind of liberating.
